gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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