I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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