the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize