seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
