So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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