i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
