He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
