sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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