and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
