I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
