she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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