i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
