At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
