She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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