she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
