shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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