Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
