I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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