I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
