God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
