I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
