I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize