I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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