Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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