i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
