That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
