Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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