Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
