I can feel you judging me through the phone.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize