I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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