I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
