I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
