I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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