bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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