I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
