So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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