I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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