Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just found puke in my bra..
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
