Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
