its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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