i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize