Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
