you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
