Three words: puerto rican gang bang
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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