i can't believe i had my finger in that
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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