she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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