Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
