The best revenge is premature balding
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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