im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
