here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
