she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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