and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
