My hand turned me down
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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