So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
