I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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