3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
