i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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