So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
