I got her a Nickelback box set.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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