what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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