I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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