i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I wish there were birth control emojis
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
