Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
