Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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