Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
