Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
