Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize