haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
